Joke of the Week

We appreciate the jokes and/or funny stories.  Please keep them coming:  debi1948@gmail.com

 

Finally!  Blonde Men Jokes!!

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shout "did you find the shampo?"  He answers "yes, but I'm not sure what to do...its for dry hair and I just wet mine."

A blonde man spots a letter on his doormat.  It says on the envelope 'NO NOT BEND."  He spends the next 2 hours trying to figue out how to pick it up.

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"  Is this her first child?" asks the doctor.  "NO!"  he shouts, "this is her husband."

 

A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a well-endowed, beautiful, young, blonde woman in a tight-fitting bikini strolled passed. The woman looked at the doctor, smiled seductively, and said in a very sexy voice, “Hi there handsome. How are you doing?” before wiggling her backside and walking off.
“Who was that?” demanded the doctor’s wife.
“Just a woman I met professionally,” replied the doctor.
“Oh yeah?” snarled his wife, “In whose profession? Yours or hers?”

 

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. He would wait in the office behind the main church.
The first man to arrive was a stranger the minister has not seen before.
"Sir, you misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board," said the minister.
"Oh, I know," said the man. "And, if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet them."

 

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. He would wait in the office behind the main church.
The first man to arrive was a stranger the minister has not seen before.
“Sir, you misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,” said the minister.
“Oh, I know,” said the man. “And, if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I’d like to meet them.”

 It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had a scratched bar code, making it unreadable to the scanner.
Imagine her embarrassment when the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “Price check on Tampax, supersize please.”
As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store misunderstood the word “Tampax” for “thumbtacks.”
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, “Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?”

 A married man was having a long-term affair with his secretary.
One day, they were overcome by passion and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they both fell asleep and didn’t rouse until well into the evening. As the man hastily threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and then he quickly slipped into his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having hot, passionate sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been out playing golf!”

 Patrick hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of my life in bed having sex with me wife!”
And with that he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.
In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”
She said: “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?”
So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of my life sitting in church beside me wife.”
“Oh,” she said, “that is very nice, dear.”
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy’s drinking partners in the street.
Mischievously, the man said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?”
She replied: “Aye, and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been in there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”